Tweek is fine
by cigarette-daydreams
Summary: Craig's too distressed about his own emotions he's forgotten other people have them.
1. Chapter 1:Everyday

_:D reviews are very welcome._

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I tried.

No one can say I hadn't,

I'd put myself out there, went on a date with that god awful girl, I paid for her cinema ticket, went to see that stupid movie. My favourite bit was the credits, oh that black screen was bliss compared to that boy meets girl cliché. And when I drove her back I kissed her. Her lips where soft,I couldn't help comparing them to a certain blond, how sick is that, kissing someone and thinking about your best friend. Male best friend. I was so creeped out I can't even remember if I said goodbye,I just remember looking up and seeing I'd drove back to my house.

As I walked in my dad made all the stupid remarks dads where supposed to make, when their son took out a girl. I respectfully endured it for several seconds before i walked upstairs. i could stop acting for a few weeks now.

I collapsed onto my bed mentally exhausted, the urge to call Tweek was there, but as soon as the thought came, another one of disgust ricocheted with it. I should stop talking to Tweek, evreytime i even saw him, i would have to face shit I didn't want to face yet. Clyde? He'd have too much energy and make me feel tired.

Ughh why was I so bloody grumpy I needed to cheer up soon or I'd just fade into the background. My eyes were starting to shut, I welcomed the idea of not having to think about anything, as I decided I'd get my act together another day.

"craig! Wake up!" a voice screamed making me jump up frantically.

expecting to see fire or someone's dead body. my first aid ran threw my head as i prepared to perform CPR, shock turned to anger as my eyes focused and saw my sister looking bored, Standing By the side of my bed.

"You're going to be late for school" she whined tugging at my arm

"You have 10 seconds to leave or you'll be permanently late for school, as I'll kill you" I spat at her, she gave me the finger and disappeared, I looked down at myself. Still in the same clothes as last night.

I groaned too lazy to shower, and after cheeking my phone , i saw I was already late for school. great.

I quickly stripped and put on my usual jeans and a blue hoodie, as well as my familiar hat I wore every day. Same old me.

Arriving in school was depressing, I only had a few months now until I finished. And even though I was rumored to have no emotions, the pressure was still getting to me. I had to get good grades it was the only way out of this bloody town. I walked through all the younger kids, or more trampled threw, they of course whined but I didn't give a rat's ass about someone half my size. I took a deep breath, school was the one place I couldn't properly avoid Tweak, we hung out in the same group for god's sake. Act normal I routinely willed myself as I stepped into Maths.

" ahh Mr tucker did you get lost" Mr masters said the class was silent and all turned towards me. As I would love to make some stupid remark I couldn't afford another detention my mum would kill me, so I changed tactic to a polite "no sir" he looked almost shocked with my reply . I walked to my normal seat my heart racing as I sat down next to Tweek,

" why wernt you at t tokens house yesterday?" tweek asked shaking violently in his seet as usual

"date" I replied bluntly trying to stop him talking, he nodded and I saw him reach into his bag for his coffee flask. As I followed the movement down I noticed his shoe laces where undone, along with his top which wasn't buttoned correctly. Shit now I felt bad. I usually gave him a lift to school where I'd help with small things like that. It was because of his hands shaking, he was useless at the fiddly stuff. No I wouldn't help now. Anyway he needed to learn to be independent one day, I reasoned with myself my heart hammering out my chest. I watched him swallow a good half of his coffee in his flask, a signal he was worried or stressed. I couldn't keep over analyzing him ,Tweek was fine.

The day dragged on, by the time lunch came around I feel like I'd been here for years. I was absolutely starving as I ripped into my sandwich. Our table consisted of Token, Clyde, Tweek, me, then occasionally Bebe and Wendy would join us depending on whether Token or Stan were going out with Wendy that week. Which never played well, as our group and Kyles group have never really got on. This week token and Wendy where going out so Wendy was gracing us with her presence. Ugh I could not stand Wendy. Well I couldn't stand a lot of people. But she was the worse. her act with the intelligence and liberation, then throwing herself at anyone with a dick. Fuck that shit. I was too lost in my hate that, when i felt a leg slide against mine and realised it was Tweek getting into the seat next to mine i jumped,my heart speeding up, but my jolt had make him squeak his drink dropping onto the floor soaking his trousers on the way down.

"I'm s s soo sorry craig!" he squeaked his hands going to his hair as he tugged on it, why was he apologising it was my fault for having stupid feelings.

"dude calm down" I said grabbing his hands and pulling them out from his hair, his eyes locked on mine and they were the colour of fresh mint, the kind he floated in the coffee he made especially for me. I hadn't realized I was still holding onto his hands until he tried to tug them out. I dropped them quickly a blush threatening to rise, I busied myself from having to look up at anyone by reaching under the table for the still gushing thermos of coffee. Of course he was drinking coffee, what else would he be drinking? I came up mid conversation not bothering to join in, I focused on eating until I realized I was being talked to.

"-FOR GODS SAKE does he ever listen craig, CRAIG!" I looked up at token who was clicking his fingers in my face

"what" I spat, irritated at the screaming

"I said you're coming to my party tomorrow, right?" he said irritated

"No" I said not thinking about it

"Aww you have to come, you've missed the past two of mine" he moaned

"No" I said again waiting for someone to change the subject

"craigy pleaseeeeee" clyde said sticking his mouth out in pout"who's going to help kick ass, as the biggest retard here,invited Stan"

"What?!" now this had my attention why invite any of them

"My idea I feel we can all get on happily" Wendy said smiling oh, so now she wanted to trade boys again.

"Well your new boyfriend may get his head smashed in quicker then he makes peace" I said back she narrowed her eyes

"No he won't you'll all be lovely, because we are civil people" Wendy said sternly I glanced at Tweek to see his views, he was quiet not good. I don't care. I quickly reminded myself

"We'll just see what happens" token said smiling at his girlfriend, I noticed Bebe looking at Wendy curiously. Maybe she knew it'd be hopeless. I sighed I kind of had to come now, there was no way I'd leave Clyde to wade in alone.

"can we invite like jjimmy, t t timmy and a few of tthere group" tweek stuttered looking at token

"yeah sure I think I've already invited them" even though Tweek was in our group he was close friends with the lower groups, I think they were linked threw there disability's, but I never wanted to ask. That seemed almost rude, how do you phrase that question I may be a asshole but not enough to openly judge someone like that. Funny thinking about it in all the years me and Tweek have been best friends he's never spoken about his mental problems, I've seen all the pills he has to take in the morning but the names on the bottle where too long to really work out all the conditions he has. I probably wouldn't want to know poor kid has it rough, when we were little before we knew what a mental condition was, when he'd say gnomes were in his room, we'd tease him for months, I think that's why he doesn't mention it anymore.

"Right it's time for next lesson see you tomorrow, Craig nick some of your dads best whiskey that stuffs lush" Token said kissing Wendy on the forehead before disappearing off

"It's the first time in ages I'm going to tokens party d do you think I'll be all right" Tweek asked reaching for his bag under the table

"don't drink and you'll be all right" I muttered, now it was just me and Tweek I had to leave or I'd get that tight feeling again.

000

I groaned rolling over, why was I awake, rolling over i quickly checked my alarm clock. 1AM it was the middle of the night, i sighed the bliss of sleep escaping my body. I felt a dip on my bed all of a sudden, I felt a hand start to rub me threw my pajama pants, i rolled over quickly coming face to face with mint eyes.

"Tweek what the fuck-" I said startled when his mouth closed over mine pushing me roughly onto my back, and climbing on top of me, I could feel his tiny body down the length of mine, his weight all resting on me, he pushed down his hips grinding into me, making me moan into his mouth as I kissed back hungrily, he tugged at my pyjama pants whining in his throat for me to take them of, I grabbed him and rolled so I was on top my hand went straight into his loose pyjama pants and ran my hand up him before stroking he gasped biting my shoulder, it was the shock of touching him that made me realise. Fuck I'm giving Tweek a handjob. I'm touching another man. I'm not gay. He's my best friend. This is disgusting. I'm disgusting I pushed Tweek off me. As I awoke in my bed covered in sweat, alone and harder than a rock.

I groaned sitting up in my bed. i put my head on my knees, trying desperately to quell the fight in my own head. i must of sat in this position for at least 10 minutes before raising my head and checking the time. It wasn't even 12 yet fuck. I tried to get to sleep, blocking out the images of Tweek moaning my name as I touched him fuck. I have to stop thinking about it. Lock the key throw it away .But soon my erection was almost painful as it pulsed against my stomach. I groaned finally allowing myself to imagine tweak on top of me, I ran my hands down my body to grasp myself firmly, giving myself a soft squeeze I imagined sliding into Tweek, I groaned as a wave of arousal ran through my body, I was close already as I imagined the noises he'd make as I was deep inside him, I stroked faster and faster as I imagined him dropping down, so I was deeper, I groaned, he'd still be vibrating probably. Fuck that image was so hot, and after one more tug, I came over my stomach.


	2. Chapter 2:Liquid

Waking up on the day of the party, I felt oddly exited. I was going to get drunk tonight. Who knows what could happan, maybe with a certain blonde.

I recoiled from that closing my eyes, remembering my weird dream the night before. I groaned forcing images of girls back into my head. Yeah girls. girls are good, healthy. Its biology or whatever.

Getting up I opened my wardrobe which was full of blue hodies and dark jeans. yeah I think I know what I want to wear.

I resisted the urge to text Tweek we where so close, but I just cant be around him .I'm disgusting. he's so innocent, he can't even tie his shoes for gods sake.

I had a lot of revision to do,so after grabbing a coke and a large bag of Doritos, I made a nest of pillows and opened up to maths.

As I was finishing I realized it was time for the party, shit time went fast when you revised (or stared at a book for a few minutes then messed around on Facebook) I quickly showered, shaved, grabbed the alcohol from my dad's hiding place, which really wasn't hidden then headed out. I hadn't given Tweek a lift anywhere in ages so I didn't have to worry about that, so I arrived on my own half an hour late.

The party was in full swing, already tokens expensive chairs where smashed up, and some guy who had peeked way to early was passed out in a little puddle of vomit on the porch. Cute. I walked in surveying the wreckage of a once beautiful house thank god token was rich otherwise I would of felt bad.

"hey honey" red said wrapping her slender arms around my neck,

"red" I said pulling her back a bit so I could stare into her face "are you drunk all ready"

"nooo" she said in a stupid voice "anyway, This party is so shit and borrrring what with Tweek having a episode and token walking in on stan with wendy we can deserve a little fun eh craig" she said biting her lip, i knew this was my Que to kiss her but something wasn't right I replayed what she said

"Tweeks having a episode?" I asked

"who cares about Tweek, i'm hotter" she said reaching and biting my neck, ugh i shivered, what the fuck was wrong with this girl

"no Red where is Tweek, fuck off if your not gonna help" i said venom working its way into my voice

"hah I knew you had a boner for tweek, that little hot mess would turn anyone gay I suppose" she mumbled like I wasn't even here

"where is he" I asked shaking her slightly

"he's calm now ish, but you craig look steaming, how do you make that look hot?, shit why'd you have to be gay such a shame such a shame"-" red mumbled on she'd really stopped making sense so I pushed past her to get upstairs, I knew Tweek well and when he had a panic attack he tended to go into cupboards. Don't ask. so that's the first place I wanted to look. Unfortunately token had at least 10 rooms with cupboards. To be honest i didn't mind not getting completely fucked downstairs.

I opened each door carelessly, getting shouts of anger from some of the naked people on the bed, I didn't care about them, I just walked in and opened the cupboard before walking out, I followed this pattern with no luck till I reached tokens room, his house was so big it had took a while to get here. By this time I was practically running, I opened the door, not caring who was fucking till I heard a familiar voice looking at the bed I saw Wendy and Stan, fuck, so this is what Token must of saw, I ignored Wendys screams. as I had heard little muffling sounds, fuck. I ran across the bedroom flinging it open to see a mess of blonde hair rocking back and forth, he looked up slowly his eyes where streaming tears.

I lunged towards him wrapping my arms around him, his pulled me towards him and to my shock, I landed ontop of him he cried into my chest

"shh Tweek calm" I muttered into his crazy hair where I thought his ear might be

"c c craig you said I won't be okay I think I'm dying" he stuttered into my chest I wiggled down so we were eye to eye

"What! when did I say that"I asked remembering to use my soft voice. as he pressed his face into my neck

"I didn't mean to drink I didn't realise it was alcohol till Kyle told me what was in it later" he cryed into my neck his tears where making my t-shirt really wet

"shh shh what-" I started then stopped realizing mid sentence, I remembered at school yesterday my comment of as long as you don't drink you'll be allright, shit I forgot Tweek really takes things seriously

"Tweek you'll be fine I didn't mean it" I said into his hair, the erge to press my lips to his forehead was really really tempting, I started to feel really panicky I couldn't be this close to him it was wrong, so wrong if he knew i was having these thoughts he would never trust me again.

"the voices told me I'd d DIE!, and I feel like I'm dying Craig I see little devils waiting to carry me of" he whispered into my ear I pulled back to stare at him, this was weird, this wasn't my selfish need for him it was his problems.

"tweek have you took your medication today" I asked calmly he shook underneath me trying to free himself there was no way I was letting him go, I wanted to know what was happening.

"TWEEK answer me" I asked sternly he jolted still staring at me

"no no more tablets and injections, I can't take it craig it makes me dull I don't wanna feel dull anymore" he sobbed into my neck, I hadn't realized but when he'd been thrashing I'd caught his wrist, and my fingers had been unconsciously tracing something it felt bumpy, I drew his wrist towards my eyes, was that a…, he jolted back turning around and trying to crawl away I went to football mode, putting all my weight on him and pinning him down, he still wiggled trying to free himself, I'm sure he didn't mean it ,but his butt was pressed hard against my groin and his natural vibrations and the thrashing was kinda making me hard, I wanted to moan into his neck but the look of horror I imaged on his face was enough for me to grit my teeth and suck it up. I managed to flip him back over as he cried more , he stared at me like I was a monster for keeping him here.

"please let me go" he cryed his mint eyes staring deep into my blue ones

"I promise I won't ask about it okay" I said my heart breaking as I realized how fucked up tweek really was. He shuddered under me and I relaxed down,

"tweek what the fuck was all the devil shit about" I asked seeing Tweek was back, the mad look had been replaced by Tweek, the tears where drying on his cheeks, he was back. His eyes moved away from mine with my question, suddenly really preoccupied in counting the fibres on the carpet

"it's just weird stuff allright I really need to get home, I'm so s sorry for being odd i'm soo sorry you saw me like that, I I swear its not me" I said babbling

"tweek I've know you since we where babies, you should of told me if things where so bad you had to.." I started

"don't say it" he said frantically glancing around the cupboard, I noticed threw the crack in the doors. Stan and Wendy where no longer in the room, after my entrance they probily found another bed to degrade.

"tweek" I said trying to look into his eyes, he avoided mine like the plague

"craig p p please let me up" he said still looking at the floor, I rolled over quickly, suddenly terrified I'd pushed him too far shit I shouldn't of been on Tweek what was I thinking, that was so gay.

He dragged himself up on his twig like arms, it was only then I saw how skinny he was, oh god please don't let him have anorexia as well. I just don't know how I could handle two revelations in one day! my protective instinct was coming on strong as my body pleaded to pick Tweeks skeletal body up and carry him home to evade him from danger. He gave me a weak smile as I watched him walk out of the room. I rolled onto my back. Groaning. How did I not see this coming? I knew the poor boy had problems but I'd just never thought about them. What the fuck was happining to Tweek.


	3. Chapter 3: Stand

I had had the shittest night sleep in my entire existence.

I spent most of it regretting going to find Tweek and just fucking red. That way I wouldn't feel so bloody guilty, about all this shit Tweeks going through.

Ugh my final thought after hours of tired thinking had been, fuck. this. shit.

I didn't need to deal with this. Not my problem.

Yeah a part of me knew this was probably the worst thing I could do for Tweek, but hey it was the best thing I could do for me and I actually had to live with me. I felt happier now I had a mind goal, if I just slowly stopped talking to tweak, then we'd eventually not be friends at all. And bingo he might make a friend who isn't a selfish prick and could help him with all his shit, and I could move on to someone more feminine. Wooohoo everybody wins. i had a mental finishing this chapter of my life and putting the book back on the shelf. Then I got up and watched youtube till late.

Monday I woke up determined. I was done feeling like shit. Walking into school I saw clyde.

"craigggggg, dude where were you on Saturday! You missed a crazy party" clyde said putting his arms over my shoulder

"yeah man I was there just, didn't feel like partying, but hey want to stay round mine this weekend, like old times?" I asked trying to move Clyde away from wondering why the hell I didn't feel like partying.

"ohh dude you coming onto me, want to sleep in the same bed eyy craig?" Clyde asked batting his eyelids up at me, I rolled my eyes

"yes clyde your so pretty now, come on halo and alcohol" I said punching his stomach lightly

"ahh you know how to get me in your bed, yeah sure sounds pretty good" he said "hey toke, you up for a threesome round craig's!?"

Token who had now gone a little red at being asked this standing across the school with a almost entire group of girls.

"fuck of you fags" he shouted back, I raised my middle finger laughing for the first time in a while, god I missed Clyde, though it was funny how Clyde was the straight one and I was the gay one. Wait I was the past gay one, if that was possible anyway I'd no way fuck Clyde.

"talk later craig" clyde said walking off to whatever lesson he had next.

"cr craig" a voice said as I felt a tugging on my arm. My mind went blank as my heart exploded. I breathed a deep breath

"What" I asked turning to stare just above his face there was no way I could look into his eyes ,especially when I was planning on leaving him.

"I I just wanted to know what the plans where for Saturday" Tweek asked vibrating in the cold, the skin on his hands was almost blue fuck, I was warm, I could warm him. Nope be ruthless, be ruthless I told myself

"nah sorry Tweek it's only a Clyde thing, but dude catch up later yeah" I said turning quick, now don't let Tweeks stutter, let him sound like he's nervous, he can be a little spitfire. When our group ever fights Cartmens group, you want him to be there, so it would be a very real thing if I kept blowing him of he wouldn't hesitate to question me.

"erm okayyy" I heard him say as I walked away.

By lunch the usual boredom of school had hit me like a ten ton truck and I was struggling to be courteous to anyone, so when Wendy skipped over to our table and sat down on tokens lap I could barely restrain myself from screaming at her.

"Why the fuck are you still here?" I asked my eyes narrowing

"Dude don't talk to her like that! We're cool" token said sending me a threatening glance, I looked to Clyde who seemed to be staring at his feet, so he obviously sided with me, thank god, but what the hell.

"I don't need to explain myself to you, but I want to be with token" she said saying the last bit to his face, I saw his eyes soften and he smiled completely caught in her trap.

"Well token wasn't the one you looked into last night," I muttered, trying not to look up as tweek slid into the seat next to me

"THIS is NOTHING to do with you, Craig so fuck of" token said rising a little, i smiled back, no. I wouldn't push this but I want to know what the hell is wrong with this kid.

"Anyway moving on Red was trying to find you on Saturday-" Wendy started to say but the mention of red jumped back some memories of Saturday, fuck she said some shit about me being into Tweek. Ahh not good, girls talk a lot, I needed to see what she knew, then either black mail or threaten her somehow, ohh god. And Red hung out with Kenny and that lot. Not good.

When I came back into listening to my friends, the conversation had rolled on thank god. I glanced around the cafeteria spotting red sat next to Cartmen, I'd have to pick my moment this was bloody important, what she knew wasn't even true!, god I think I would kill her if she told anyone.

"calm the f ffuck down Craig" Tweek said leaning away from me, I looked down at him confused, and saw I'd been gripping onto his arm, my fingers clicked as I released him, willing myself not to think about how tiny his arm felt. I looked at what he was eating which turned out to be nothing. Oh god. And out of curiosity I asked

"dude try one of these grapes, do they taste different", that look of horror on his face was enough to tell me something wasn't quite right but his reply of "no what If there poisoned or something" made me laugh at his bloody paranoia, okay relax he's fine, anyway I said I wasn't going to worry with that shit anymore. Before I could over analyse any more I left.


	4. Chapter 4: Oh

Walking home without any distractions was hard. As much as I wanted to imagine being pulled up to sing with my favorite band or my dad leaving the family, my mind was dragged back to Tweek.

No I didn't just want to fuck him, though that thought sent a shiver down my spine at the possibility. But it wasn't a possibility, it was a never in my life time. I sighed, what the hell was wrong with me. Maybe I was mental, then me and tweak could bond.

The amount I'd thought about tweak in the last month had made me sort of hate him. It hurt to talk to him, the pain wasn't worth the pleasure. I needed more and he would never give that to me.

I jolted a little I sounded like a chick. I let out a short laugh, I was so tired, I don't really like tweak nope, nope just tired and hey wasn't my fault if he was feminine enough for my mind to think he was a girl. As I walked up my driveway, I noticed my dad's car. Great. I took a deep breath before barreling in, throwing my bag into the open cupboard and trying to head upstairs.

I almost succeeded in getting upstairs without a conversation, but a voice I'd come to associate with the devil screamed "CRAIG!"

My fingers clenched into fists as I turned and walked back down the stairs and into the living room. He was sat back on his throne, even sitting down, he managed to look down on me.

"yes" I said meeting his gaze

"wow I didn't raise you to be a fuckin reclusive, have some fucking manners"

I was pretty thick. But even I knew that he hadn't used the word reclusive right, I swallowed my rage.

"I'm busy, I need to do homework" I said back, hoping the homework excuse would persuade him to let me leave. "I've been away for three days straight, slaving my ass, so you can do what!? fuck around with your faggot friends!" he was staring to get angry. I had no idea what to do in these situations, I had to stand my ground, I knew from experience trying to leave would have worked out worse. "Craig do you think I'm fucking blind!, go on answer me" he screamed leaning forward in his chair. He blinked his eyes appearing tighter as the room seemed to constrict.

Well shit I couldn't say anything without coming across as a pansy or getting a punch in the face.

"no dad, I'm pretty sure you're not blind" I said my sarcasm was on point, but I begged him not to notice the shake in my voice. "well how the fuck am I NOT supposed to notice my fucking hundred pound whiskey going down YOUR GREASY NECK!" my vision came sharply into focus as I realized I'd royally fucked up. My brain screamed to deny it, but I would be grasping at straws, there were no excuses. "look-" I started to say and he actually paused his movement to stare at me.

I stuttered I hadn't made my decision on what to do leaving me gasping.

"yeah that's what I thought" he said he smiled once, before standing up.

"how FUCKING dare you, you useless prick, I SLAVE every day for this family, AND AS SOON AS I GET SOMETHING ON MY OWN IT gets ruined by YOU! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEE-" he started to say lunging towards me but in that second the door opened revealing my mum and sister, they hadn't heard any of our fight or had chosen to ignore it as they so often did.

My sister walked in, turning on the TV and slouching into one of the sofas, as my mother tiredly walked threw into the kitchen to start on dinner. Throughout this my father just stared at me, the vein in his eye visibly pulsing.

"We will talk about this later" he said before pushing into me and out the door. Fuck fuck, my fear turned to rage as the punishment threatened over me. I stormed upstairs, throwing the first thing my hand touched (which turned out to be a trophy for some swimming tournament I did years ago) as hard as I could against my wall.

Watching it smash into hundreds of pieces was the most satisfying feeling I'd had in months. As my mind started to think normally again it drew back to Saturday night, I never drunk the whisky, sure I had brought it ,but as soon as Red talked to me, I'd dropped it. On tokens porch!

It was a wild shot but come-on, I did not want to be beaten up my dad.

I was already calling token before my mind registered what I was doing. But he didn't answer. Nothing. fucking dick has the most expensive phone in the fucking world, he should probably be using it. Asshole. fuck having tokens consent. I pulled a blue hoodie over my t-shirt, but fuck my trainers where downstairs, and I was not risking going past my dad again so I had to deal with flip-flops. Yep my life had really reached a low point.

I shimmied down my drainpipe. Regretting not grabbing my gloves, as my hands where ripped raw by the time I got to the bottom.

I headed to tokens on auto pilot, the wind smashing into my toes and hands. Fun. The snow was piling up on my feet, ironically making them feel like they were on fire. I was shaking like tweak By the time I got to Token mansion, and was about ready to lie in the show and end it, already feeling pretty close to frostbite. Thank god I'd sneaked in before to prank him and what not, or that fucking security guard would have caught me instantly. Who the hell has a security guard!? I knew a way of going into the next door neighbors and moving a lose panel. Yep piece of cake. Now as long as I kept an eye out for the security guard turning around I was good. I sunk down onto my hands and knees next to the porch, if it was somewhere it would be here, I shuffled about like this, my arms wrist deep in snow, I pulled my hand out noticing my pinkie finger was turning black, not good. I needed to find it bloody soon, as the stories of fingers having to be cut of due to frostbite filled my head, but it was like I was delirious thrashing threw the snow until finally I clutched onto something glass. Moving it out under the porch into better moonlight I squinted at it. Yep, I had found it. I tried to allow myself a moment of relief, but I was too cold.

Slipping back into my house I stared at the bottle in the light. It was, dare I say it, perfect. I slipped into the living room, my dad and mum watching some shit.

"I believe this is the missing bottle. Here" I said roughly putting it back onto his special shelf, yeah I was cocky, I'd just spent like an hour in the snow to find this thing.

Instead of looking happy he looked angrier, throwing himself up and stalking towards me, I took a step back before I could tell my brain not to.

"ohh aren't you proud of yourself son. Big man" he yanked the bottle of the shelf and to my horror it started to drip, ominous splashes landing on one of my mums magazines. He looked at me smiling slightly "and why is my expensive whisky soaking wet. Hmm"

right my amazing excuses coming to the rescue yet again "umm-" right think Craig, think,think, nope fucking hell. A fist smashed into my eye, I let out a yelp as I stepped back.

Shock buzzed threw my system as my fight or flight kicked in, before I had time to even consider what I was going to do. His other fist connected with my nose, I spun grabbing desperately onto the curtains to keep my balance, I felt like I was choking as blood ran from my nose into my mouth. Done, I was done, I was tall but my dad was twice the size of me for fuck sake, then a kick ripped into my stomach, I gagged rolling down into a defensive position. Looking up I could still see my mum watching TV. She looked bored. My dad moved away slightly and I used this chance to try and get myself onto my feet but, there was so much pain in my stomach, I felt like I was about to throw up. Then my eyes snapped to the eyes looking over me. My dad smiled and dropped the glass bottle of whiskey straight onto my head. I was expecting to hear a smash, but a dull pain rang from my forehead as I moved to see the whiskey rolling next to my neck incredibly still intact. Then hands pulled my hoodie up dragging me face to face with my father. "Fucking kill yourself with it for all I care, because as soon as it touched your dirty hands you ruined it" my father mocked, nodding to the full bottle of whiskey that was currently slightly leaking from one crack in its side. Then he dropped me, my back slamming into the ground before walking back to sit on the coach. My stomach was in agony, and the pain in my nose was unimaginable. I rolled. I needed to be out of this house. I couldn't be in here another second. I managed to get to my feet and for some unknown reason I grabbed the whiskey like it was some kind of trophy, before moving out of the room as quick as my stomach would allow.


	5. Chapter 5: Favourite worst nightmare

_I'll re edit when i have time, sorry for messy upload, i just haven't put out anything in a while, so enjoy. please leave reviews and recommendations on good fanfictions, i like kyman and creek._

Drunk,

yes. okay I'll admit it I was drunk.

My numb body on autopilot, as I stumbled towards the only house I felt could stop me from taking a shard of the cracked bottle I clutched desperately to, and ripping it threw my skin. Walking up the drive I tried to knock only to fall into the door, I found myself face down, my nose in a green carpet, I allowed myself a deep inhale of the sterile smell that seemed trapped in the house, while the bang that must of been the front door smashing against the wall, reverberated around my ears,

"Craig?!" a voice squeaked and I lifted my head slightly to see Tweek, his hands gripping a crowbar, crouched at the top of the stairs, shaking in a pair of pajama trousers.

"Tweeky, did you come to my house" I asked squinting, my last few memories were a bottle falling towards my face, i flinched as if it was still falling .his eyes floated closer to me.

"n no" he said,when he got to the bottem of the stairs he stepped to the side and there was a flash followed by the click as an afterthought. I slammed my eyes shut, confused with the sudden burn.

"B. BLOOD" he said stepping away from me, I knew this was my cue to reassure him, but him looking so scared of me was to much to bare in my fragile state, and I started to cry, throwing the bloody bottle to the side and tucking my knees into my chest. I couldn't bear this anymore, stress rolling threw my body.

"Where's craig?"tweeks voice asked , "craigs not here it's a vishion tweek," he muttered to himself, my drunk brain barely making his words out. he moved to shut the door, and then turned and started walking back up the stairs

"no its me Tweek!" I half screamed "I'm soo sorry Tweek, I'm so sorry" I said crying harder into my arms, he blinked a few times before coming to sit in front of me, we had switched places, usually I was the one consoling him.

"so you are real" he said, I couldn't reply I was gone, "Craig?" he asked putting his hand on my shoulder, I was drunk so wasn't completely in control, as I found myself pulling him across my lap and plunging my head into the gap between his shoulder and neck, the smell of his skin calming me blocking my mind from rotating threw the past few hours.

"y Your soaking wet and cold" he muttered but didn't appear to be moving away, and after a few moments wrapped his hands around my shoulders,

"I'm sorry Tweek so sorry" I slurred into his skin, I think I even kissed his neck a few times in gratitude.

"a,about what craig?" he asked rubbing my back, my mind tried to push back in my memories, what was I sorry about again

"about ignoring you,I just like you sooo much" I said squeezing his skinny body into mine

"well I like you too craigg" he stuttered, this made me cry harder, not the kind of like I needed

"no tweek i-" I started but his gasp cut me of,

"Craig! Y-your hands they are almost black!" in this moment his little body squirmed out of my hold and he was trying to put my arm around his shoulder to support and move me somewhere,

"craig, this is serious, your nose is bleeding your head as well, you need to go to hospital!" he cried desperately trying to drag me towards the door, all of a sudden my memory came back to me slightly. Hospital meant questions.

"NO, Tweek NO" I said gaining better purchase with my feet to turn and push him against the nearest wall, pinning him effortlessly.

"Promise me tweek, promise me tweek, promise-" I muttered over and over into his scared face

"Craig you need help!, you, yo, you could lose your fingers!, and bleed out, think of all the blood you've lost already-" he went on, I was used to these rants, hearing them every day in school for things like papercuts so I didn't take his warning seriously,

"no Tweek I can't" I said starring down at my bare feet, looking back I wasn't sure why I was so insistent of convincing him not to take me, since I was a lot taller and bulkier, if I didn't want to go, then we weren't going.

"Why?, go can't do this! craig I'm not sure I can save you here, I might kill you!" he cried clutching his hair

"please Tweek" I slurred, my hazy vision locking into his mint eyes, his breathing started coming so fast it sounded painful

"My FRIENDS GOING TO DIE, he's dead already, my fault, i can't i can't i-" his speaking turned into gasping

"tweeek, calm comeon breathe with me, okay? in and then outtt slowly" i said even through my drunk state, remembering how to calm tweek down, after a few minutes of him just shaking his head his eyes locked on mine

"who" he said suddenly "who did this to you?" he asked "that's why you don't want to go, right?"

"Tweek." I started then I stopped myself, I couldn't trust my drunk brain to speak

"and why are you drunk!" he cried staring at me, then suddenly as if the drink had stopped numbing my senses pain started flowing from my fingers and head, I cried out, staring at my hands, I could barely move them

"tweek help me please" I cried images of hands being amputated coming to mind.

"I don't want you to die, please don't die-" he kept muttering as he helped me up the stairs and into his bathroom, he bit his lip

"I'm scared craig" he said biting his lip "I don't want you to die"

"Tweek I won't, but just give me that lighter, or something" I slurred my hands reaching for his lighter stashed in his pocket, I needed heat.

"CRAIG!, look stay here, im gonna go look up on the internet how to help you!" he cried his body shaking more then mine as he ran out of the room, on his way out I heard him muttering "why me man, I can't handle drunk p-ppeople" , my drunk mind wasent really coping with all this, my fathers face returning every time I closed my eyes. When I opened them again tweek was standing there looking terrified.

"right It says to give you parecetomal, but y you can't have them as they can't be mixed with drink, so just strip down into your boxers please" he said looking guilty, I laughed for a second until the pain in my hands got too much, this would be my dream come true if I didn't feel so much pain.

"kinky" I said as I started trying to pull of my top, made harder my hands being painful and unmoveavle,

"its for the bath d dude" he said his cheeks a bright red

"well you'll have to take my clouthes of dude, I'm drunk and my hands useless" I said smiling at his expression. Oh this was going to be fun, I just wish I could be sober enough to enjoy this properly, he stepped forward his shaking hands going to the top button of my polo shirt, my legs where spread and I almost didn't notice when he stepped between them, his hands taking a good few attempts to undo my three buttons at the top of my polo, his hand slipping every few seconds to rub my neck, mm it felt delicious, I started daydreaming about all we could do in this position, and soon my hands where wandering to his hips, I barely heard him talking, as my numb fingers traised his hip bone visible against his flat stomach, I looked up and tried to focus and understand what he was saying as he appeared to be screaming something

"c- CRAIG stop that, your hands are cold, craig CRAIG are you even listening!" he shouted, although he hadn't moved away, I chuckled doing it once more to annoy him, though he didn't seam to mind it if anything his quicking breath seemed to indicate he was enjoying it, no, anyway I was to drunk to judge his feelings, and just sat while he took my clothes of, pain flowing consistently through my body, and it was only going to get worse.


	6. Chapter 6:oz

_sky larking- Horace Andy_ : just a preety song for the mood

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"tweek!" I basically screamed my body felt charred, like I had only just been dragged out of an oven after sitting in one for hours.

"shh, shh my parents are home now" he said leaning over me. I looked around ignoring the pain for a second, I was in his bed, the rooms only night coming from the window witch was pitch black, ugh it was freezing my skin felt odd, was I wet?, I tried to find the source of the pain, wiggiling my limbs,wait my hands weren't moving, and that was what the problem had been last night, tweek had held my hands underwater, as i thrashed around. oh no.

"tweek my hands" I said barely louder then a breath, scared that saying it out loud would make it real,

"no, no craig they are alright, you are moving them see" he said his hand coming under my head to lift me slightly, I stared into his eyes, reluctant to look, but he lifted my head higher and I looked down. Oh god they were blistering, skin looking loses around the bright red digits. But no blue, thank god, but ugh. And I did see that they were faintly moving. I gasped back in relief, resting down into tweeks bed, whatever had happened last night I wasent too sure of, but from the deep disturbed feeling I felt in my stomach it wasent good.

"tweek did you take my clouthes of?" I asked, smirking as his face turned shocked

"no, well yes bu- but CRAIg YOU-" he started his hands gripping into the quilt next to my side, I laughed hard

"gay"I said, he somehow realised I was joking around and started laughing as well,

"hey move up, I wanna snuggle with my apparent crush" he said pushing against my side

"oh baby" I mocked moving even further across his already tiny bed, my back hitting the wall. He pulled the quilt up from under me and wrapped it around himself, shuffiling himself down to luy flat, his eyes flickering, i couldn't sleep now, i was too awake after comprehending what i had done last night, as he sighed his face almost toutching my side, i carefully manuvered my arm up and used my wrist as a rest for my head,after some tests i found this didn't anoy my sore fingers.

i stared around the room, i felt like tweeks room was isoated in a storm of choas, i imagined something like the wizard of oz, the room being flung in anger, while the inhabitants hid, i could hide here for a while.

"wait, so if I had the bed..you haven't slept all night?" I asked studying the blue veins around his eyelids

"well I don't really sleep, so its alright" he muttered,

"tweek that's not right, maybe you should get something for that" I said wishing I could put my finger on his plump lip, and move it down to hear it pop back in place

"nah nah i'm fine" he said, opening his eyes to stare up his sleepy voice soothing my mind " so last night, what happened, you even cried dude"

"oh god really?" I asked groaning as i remeberd how sad i was "yeah It was preety odd, sorry about that man" I said pulling a bit of the quilt tweek had wrapped around himself so tightly, up and across me, my thing that had divided us now connected us, his skin brushing against mine as i found a comfy position with my injurys, slowly i felt his heet seep through the quilt and around me, my eyes were starting to feel a little heavy, yeah maybe i could go back to sleep a little.

"so lets start with the cut on your head" he said, this woke me back up, cut? I forgot my hands were injured and reached up to touch my forhead, wincing as I applied pressure. ow my head and ow my hands, fuck fuck.

"I put a bandage on it for you" he said his eyes still closed.

"hmm well it was just some older kids, nothing to worry about," I said my body rigid as I watched him open his eyes and raise an eyebrow.

"sure, and how are you going to explain the alcohol" he said, I thought for a minute this part i wasent even ashamed about, I could tell the truth about this I spose

"after the fight I rembered I had left my whiskey somewhere in the snow so I went searching, and bahm frostbite" I said,wincing as i rememberied my hands and toes slowly freezing, i gave my toes a wiggle, and i smiled as they were completely painless.

"yeah ok" he said

"its true tweek," I said feeling irritated with his sarcasm

"hmm criag I-i may be insane, but I am not stupid" he said his eyes looking up at me, i rolled my eyes.

"your just paranoid tweek" he seemed to flinch,

"no, no craig I know whats right and whats not, I can tell,I- I swear" he said brakeing completely from his relaxed state, his vibrations violent.

"just get over it Tweek" I muttered, standing up and walking over to his wardrobe, were i remebered leaving some clouthes, i ignored the burn of my hands, slipping on a pair of jeans, blocking out his whine in the background, he was saying my name i could hear that, and i guess i was just feeling under attack, and uncomfortable from lying but i just wanted to get out of there. i turned after dressing he was infront of me

"no c-craig i belive you ,don't be be mad at me, i don't know anything!" he said his pyjamers low on his skinny hips, god his ribs looked painful. my head hurt i felt awful.

"just move, tweek we'll talk...later" i said trying to run my hand threw my hair as i waited for him to step to the side, he opened his mouth before closing it, his sweet green eyes staring so vunrible up at me.

"TWEEK" i exclaimed, he jumped before moving to the side, "thank god" i muttered before walking down his stairs and out his house, i hadn't bought shoes and southparks famous snow was still out, so i headed determered into the choas.

i stood outside my house, wondering why i ever thought my house would be better then tweeks, i spose it was because evreyone in my house already hated me, i stepped in lisening into the silence for indication of who i should hide from.

"CrAig?" a meek voice called from the top of the stairs, i plodded my frozen feet into the hallway peering up at my mums face,

"oh it is you, well lock the door after you" she said, turning but before reaching her room she turned back quickly "oh craig, don't show your face before 12 downstairs" and then she walked back into her room. ah so my father was home at the moment then, what a joy.

i shuffled upstairs shaking of my snow stuck clouthes, i walked into the bathroom, and suddenly overcome, i leaned over the toilet and emptyed my stomach into the bowl.

i leaned my heated face against the cold porcelyn, is this what depression felt like, i felt crushed, ashamed at not impressing my dad, i screwed up my eyes as i remembered my treatment of tweek, the kid didn't fucking do anything, ah what the fuck is wrong with you, he helped you all night, that kid is worth more then a thousond of you.

"ahh" i screamed smashing my forhead into the bowl, the echoing crack was a relief threw my system, anything to relase the stress clogging my veins.

i needed him, i wanted him with evrey fibre of my body wether i wanted to or not, i was too selfish to let the kid walk, i can't treat him like shit, he can't leave me.


	7. Chapter 7: pusher

_Woo new chapter!, i redid the last one a little, and added a little extra, so make sure you cheek that out :D thank you, contains drug use._

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I jolted awake

a smash made me jerk even more as I quickly looked towards the fizzing coke soaking into the floor, i breathed out, pissed of, I glared at my leg for moving ,and then to my vibrating phone dancing next to my head.

**Hey craig its Butters, my house is free. Party! now.**

So Butters was having a party, interesting, well not interesting at all, but hey I had nothing better to do then wait to be punched in the face by my father again, so why not entertain the poor boy. I sat up running my hands up my face and threw my hair. I felt like shit.

I placed the empty glass back on the table, and dumped a few tissues on the mess of coke, before walking upstairs,

I'm famous for being late and uncaring towards partys, but Teenagers were such sponges, any alcohol or drugs would be gone if I didn't arrive in the next thirty minutes, I threw on a big green parka, the fur lining soothing my nausea,

I walked out of my room and across the hall, knocking twice on my sisters door.

"what" a voice called, I opened the door, squinting threw the perfume at my sisters form

"rubs, if you clean up the coke I dropped, I'll give you a fiver tomorrow" I said roughly, before turning, not letting her negotiate, and walking out the house.

Even though I didn't hang out with Butters, he always made an effort to be friends with me, and well everyone, witch even though this made him vulnerable to being bullied, I had always admired it, I had barely any energy to be nice to my friends never mind people who had treated me like shit.

I lit up a cigarette on the way there, admittedly I wasn't a smoker, but I always carried some on me, one of my main reasons were tweak, he was a smoker, a bad one, a few years ago he was going on 30 a day, the school does drug testing or some shit on him now to make sure he hasn't started again, but I always make sure I have some on me, sometimes he needs one. It suits him as well, makes him calm, like he was always supposed to be a smoker. Weird. Breathing out into the cold air, i turned up the road, butters house was just up here, I stepped on my burnt out fag, and walked up butters drive, before pushing the door open. It was pitch black, and completely empty, but Loud music pulsed from down somewhere, Goosebumps ran up my skin from being in someone else's house unknown. I found the door of the basement quite easily and going down, I found around 20 people.

"CRAigg!" red said, over the loud music and wrapped her arms around me,

"hey" I replied, looking over, three people were dancing to the trance music erupting from the huge speakers, and the rest were sat in a circle, red dragged me over to the circle,

"craig you came" Butters said, his accent heavy as he reached to touch me, I stepped back slightly,

"yeah hi" I replied

"ohh craigs gone lone wolf," a voice called and turning, I met Kenny McCormack's grinning face, I should of guessed Kenny would be here, he was always near butters at school.

"hmm yeah mcormack, you seem a little on your lonesome too, where's pinky and the brain?" I asked, turning slightly as Red handed me a drink, Kenny laughed hysterically

"Stan's getting laid, and Kyle's probably watching" he giggled, reaching into his pocket "for tonight Craig, I think you shouldn't fuck anything up for dear butters, it would be in everyone's interests, especially shakeys" he said the last bit staring straight into my eyes, winking slightly as he turned. Fuck. This is what I had been panicking about a few days ago. Red had told Kenny. But Kenny was probably the better of the group, but this didn't make me comfortable.

"right Craig, since butters is In love with your cute butt, you are now included in the pitch" Kenny said, dictating everyone back into a neat circle.

Half the people here I didn't recognise, they looked younger, no wonder Kenny was able to lead so easily. He reached fully into his pocket and drew out a bag full of gold pills.

"w-wait for me, assholes" a familiar voice said sitting down on my right, i didn't even look, swallowing the pill quickly as dread quickly filled me.

He had obviously saw me as well but we said nothing to each other.

Kenny gigiled as he grabbed three pills from the bag and swallowed them all at the same time, with a swig of cheap vodka.

"see you tomorrow ladies" he said before going to join the dancing people.

* * *

ohhhhhh...

will continue tomorow, make sure to follow :D

prepare for some sausy action ;)


	8. Chapter 8: exstasy

My head was against a armchair, or some sort of plush thing. i experimented whether I was sat up, by tipping my drink towards my face, after what felt like a minute fluid rained down, soaking my skin and sinking threw my hair. So yes I'd say I was luying down.

Focusing on my surroundings I could see everyone in the room from my position. Butters looking like a fish as he danced to the music.

I managed to push myself to my feet, rolls of excitement sinking threw me, I shook my head slightly to the music. Looking towards Kenny, I got myself to his space, grabbing the translucent bottle of vodka from his grubby hands and I felt myself swallow a few times. I didn't even taste it, witch wasn't a good sign.

I scanned the room for Tweek, finding his mad blonde hair easily, I walked to his vibrating form, he was laughing crazily his head tipped back, as he clutched onto Reds arm. I ripped his arm of her, and as his head snapped towards me, I slid the bottle into his hands, Red said something, then walked away.

"hahaha just what I-I needed" he said tipping the bottle back, I watched his neck as he swallowed, fascinated by its movement, I leaned in, only barely stopping myself from licking up the coloum of his long neck.

"hey c'mere" I said grabbing onto his t-shirt and turning him towards me, I ran my hands to the front of his button up t-shirt and, flicked each button undone. He was watching my movement, as slowly his entire top was flapping open, after I had finished he looked up slowly, his blonde hair in his eyes.

"craig why did you just undo my top?" he slurred, falling back slightly, he sat back onto the sofa behind him, intent to still do my job, I fell to my knees infront of him, ignoring how sexual this was, I got on with the job I'd wanted to do since I saw he had stopped doing it right. Leaning between his legs I redid each of his buttons.

"there" I said smiling as I leaned out from between his legs, to survey my handiwork.

"you-you did my t-top up?" he said running his hands down it, he looked back up into my eyes and started laughing "big bad craig is a right little housewife" he giggled, it took my fried brain a few seconds to understand what he was saying but when I got it, I laughed as well falling with my back against the coffee table, staring up at him, I studied his green eyes, and his crazy hair. He was so cute. I wanted to be here forever.

"I think the reason everyones scared of you, is you never smile" he said, I raised my eyebrow.

"I don't give a fuck what everyone thinks Tweek" I slurred, running my hands through my hair, knocking of my hat in the process

"I do, but I'm a paranoid fuck" he said giggling

"how is all that Tweek?, I mean you seem fine one minute and next your terrified to even drink?" I said watching his face closely, I was used to towering over him so it was strange for him to be so much higher than me.

"ah" he said waving his hand in my direction "its ok" then after a few seconds he said "but, t-thanks for asking Craig, I just…I know we haven't been alright lately, I don't know, I just-"

"Tweek your drunk, its fine" I said shocked he had noticed I had changed, usually he would be too far in his own world.

"we- we are st-still GAH-" he stuttered, he was proper freaking out now

"Tweek, dude whatever it is, its cool-" I said grabbing onto his knee to calm him down, but he wouldn't give up fighting his stammers.

"we a-are best friends still?" he managed to get out, his eyes searching for mine eagerly, I felt like something was stuck in my throat, I sighed

"of course we're still best friends Tweek" I said.

"we don't hang-g out that much an-anymore" he slurred "and I get it man, I'm not as interesting as Clyde but I used to love our talks dude"

"no Tweek!, you are so much better then fucking Clyde!" I said, pushing myself up and sitting down next to him, he clutched my arm

"so we can chill, like old times! W-with movies, a-and sambuka!?" he cried, clutching harder to my arm

"Dude yes!" I said forgetting why I had stopped doing this, as he threw himself into my arms, I squeezed him, letting myself smile into his hair

"now, come on, crazy, let's dance" I said, standing up with him still attached to my waist.

The night was surprisingly fun, me and Tweek danced to the slow trance, I even partied with Kenny, who was actually pretty funny the drunker you got, and the pill showed no sign of slowing as the pure happiness was constant throughout the night. We were in the middle of a brilliant game of fuzzy duck, when butters dropped, collapsing where he stood.

A lot of people would say, that was the first time they had seen me laugh, but butters body just collapsing in on himself was hilarious, I even saw Tweek smile, before he started worrying about butters death.

"comeone craig, lets get him upstairs" Kenny slurred reaching under butters armpits, I sighed as I swigged the last of the vodka, before shuffling round the table and picking up butters skinny legs, as soon as I had lifted them Kenny fell backwards, smashing his head against the coffee table

"GAH, HE'S DEAD" Tweek squeaked,

"nah look he's moving, now Tweek get your but over here" I said watching as tweek staggered over and picked up butters arms. After a minute of struggling up the stairs, i realised Tweek was no use and just picked up butters bridal style.

"Tweek? Do you know where butters bedroom is?" I asked as he walked up the second flight of stairs,

"Nah, wait I think it's in here" he slurred, stumbling into the bathroom,

"yes what a lovely bed" I said staring at the bath, Tweek burst out laughing

"okay not in here then" he said, retreating out and opening the next door, he recoiled backwards, I moved and caught him, even with carrying butters

"FUCK, craig, fucking look!" he cried, and I followed his gaze to a cupboard, of what looks like whips

"kinky bastards" I muttered my hazy eyesight making out the hard leather

"why would they have thease!" Tweek cried, his back still resting against me

"bend over, tweak I'll show you" I said making him look startled at me "nah but do you remember when we were a kid, and butters parents were so fucking strict"

"yeah, but you don't think they still punish h-him" Tweek stuttered still staring at the exposed whips

"I don't know, I was never close with butters, Kenny would probably know" I mumbled, trying to get my mind back on track, butters body was starting to become heavy

"hm we should tell someone, if we don't they could kill him! Or sell him, or-"

"Tweek, butters is fine, or he will be if we find his bed" I said turning away from the weird cupboard and down the corridor

"but-"

"TWEEK, shh, we'll talk about it tomorrow, were too drunk to do anything now" I said as he came and helped me open the next door.

We did eventually find butters room, and I dumped him down, my tired arms pounding slightly, as soon as we got him relaxed, puke just started flowing out of his mouth

"AHHH fuck!" Tweek squealed as butters vomit just missed hitting his top

"fuck this, Kenny can come deal with this" I said holding a empty bowl to butters mouth as he emptied his stomach

"I'll run and get him" Tweek agreed, drunkenly moving back down stairs, I wanted to throw up as the smell of vomit became intense.

"well Kenny's, out for the count as well dude" Tweak said shuffling back into the room, "ugh you have vomit up your hands"

"Yes Tweek I know" I said as the bowl risked overflowing "Tweek could you go get me another bowl, and some tissue, please" I said trying to resist the urge to just scream fuck this and leave.

"yeah, sure" he said, walking quickly into the bathroom, butters heaved and the bowl got that much fuller

"TWEEK HURRY" I screamed as my thumb started to become submerged, butters looked like he was about to go again

"TWEEK ANYTHING, YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS" I practically screamed, and suddenly everything happened at once, butters heaved and tweek placed something into my hands, which I held under butters chin as he puked, realising as he did it, what it was

"a fucking sock draw" I said laughing as butters socks were slowly soaked in sick, tweak erupted in laughter as well

"fucking hell" I managed to get out threw my laughter

"it was the closest thing!" he explained, butters looked like he had stopped being sick, so I removed the sock draw and walked to his bathroom, washing my hands extremely well. Coming back in I couldn't help laughing again at the sight of butters poor sock draw. I found Tweek in the next room, taking of his shoes

"this the bed we sleeping in then?" I asked shutting the door and coming round to the other side

"yeah man, this bed looks nice" he said, lifting up the thick quilt and sliding inside, I did the same.

"I can't fucking believe you let butters throw up in a s-sock draw" he said his mad blonde hair resting slowly coming down from its height

"bitch, you handed me the sock draw" I said laughing at the memory

"it was that or a candle" he said making me burst out laughing at the thought of a candle

"we should probably go and cheek on butters, to make sure he hasn't choked to death" Tweek muttered and I saw him look towards the room

"nah, he's fine, anyway the fucker made me carry him up the stairs" I mumbled

"yeah that was fucking impressive man, h-how did you even do that!" tweek gushed, I opened my eyes in surprise

"Tweek, Butters is a twig, it wasn't hard, you probably could of done it without trouble"

"c-could you pick up me?" he asked, i stared at his eyes for a second

"why not" I said crawling over his body and slowly sliding my hands under his knees and another just under his arms and then I lifted him, he was shaking like crazy as he wrapped his hands around my neck

"holy fuck, its so weird b-being carried" he said staring around the dark room

"haha, happy now?" I asked slowly putting him back down to rest against the bed. As I moved to get back on my side, his arms seemed to tighten, confused I turned my face back, and suddenly he leaned up and I felt his lips on mine

It might have been the drugs, or the alcohol, but it was probably just him causing ecstasy to run threw me.

my fingers ran threw his mad hair, as I kissed back, his hands slid to my lower back, and pushed me on top of him, and we rolled twice, our kissing getting more frantic as he touched his tounge to mine, a moan ripping through my throat, my hips thrusting into his without any real thought, his moan echoed mine. I reached down, my hands clutching his top and with a quick jerk I broke the buttons, the sound causing him to gasp, his neck rolling back, and with one hand exploring his ribs I lowered my mouth to his neck, sucking on the soft skin I found there, his legs were around my waist, and I took advantage of this, rutting into him, his moans were delicious, his vibrations still present against my body

"fuck craig" he moaned before a look that can only be described as fox like overcame him, and he pushed and rolled me onto my back, taking his hands he grabbed my jaw, and moved me to kiss him again.

Although the sound of a crash made us jump apart, eyes on the door as it slowly opened and Kenny's face appeared

"dude, is – butters dead?" he asked


	9. Chapter 9:serpent

Butters wasn't dead, but I bet he fucking wished he was, as he lay in a river of his sick, shaking with cold and fear, as Kenny convinced me to help change butters into some new clothes. Witch I acturlly did, scaring myself for life as I had to see butters pale ass in hello Kitty Y fronts.

We got him into his pyjammers and everything was fine Until butters started puking all down his top, i gritted my teeth as Kenny started to suggest to get him changed again.

"fuck that!, put him next to a toilet and fucking leave him," I said exhausted as butters convulsed and sick flew onto his once clean pajama pants.

"fuck you craig, help me change him!" Kenny said pulling butters top up.

"Deal with your own friends" I muttered before drunkenly stumbling back into my room with Tweek and collapsing onto the bed

"craig?" tweek whispered his face peering up from the deep quilt

"yes" I whispered back my voice muffled threw the pillow I had shoved my face into

"did I kiss you dude?" he asked,

"probably, I'm preety sexy" I mumbled, "now take my jeans of, there fucking uncomfortable"

"fuck you, do it yourself" he countered turning back around, I giggled as I managed to shimmy my jeans of me and shuffle under the covers, exhausted.

"butters, why would you do this to us, you've always been-" a muffled voice was coming through the walls, indicating someone having a tantrum downstairs, one of my eyes peeked open as the voice continued screaming.

I jumped as the door to the room I was in slammed open

"BUTTERS, THERE IS SOMEONE OUR BED, WITH ANOTHER MAN!" the loud voice was making my head feel like complete shit and it woke Tweek up, he screamed, rolling towards me. I put my arm protectively over his body, squinting towards the door were two adults were glaring viciously towards us

"dude-its but-butters p-p-parents" Tweek whispered towards me, i blinked a few times, my exhausted brain too knackered to get worried

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Butters mum screamed, never one to disappoint I sighed stepping out of the bed and stretching, apparently content we were leaving the door shut and the forms disappeared, Tweek let out a huge sigh gasping under the covers.

"I-I-I Though_thought they were going to k-Kill us man" he said shaking

"nah, its cool, now come on before they decide to come back up" I mumbled, shaking one of my legs into my jeans, I succeeded in shimmying them up my hips, seeing Tweek was still busy getting dressed I walked out into the hallway. Butters mums screams were still audible coming from somewhere, and they were reasonable considering the mess covering the entire house, the hallway which I'm pretty sure no one had spent much time in was covered in empty bottles, food packets and clothes. I spotted the toilet a little further down and shuffled into it ignoring the stench of puke, I had a piss and ate some of the toothpaste to get the taste of vodka out of my mouth. I felt like I was going to start retching and prepared myself to throw up, but I recovered and moved to stare at myself in the mirror for a bit as I tried to gather what was happening. I felt the memory of being really turned on, as i remembered grinding into somebody. Yeah It was Tweek, I stared at myself trying to influence any emotion I could. Was I happy? Sad? I felt numb. And very ill I wanted to be in my own bed, and even though I wasn't blushing like a school girl after my scandalous behavior, I had no idea what to say to Tweek.

I made my way back to Tweek who was shaking like a tree in a storm. I couldn't help laughing at his form as I collapsed onto the bed next to him, groaning as my head pounded.

"what did we take last night?" Tweek asked and with a glance at the door, he fell back to collapse on the bed next to me.

"no idea, but my brains in a fight with my skull" I said, trying to explain the pain

"ahh my heads fine I-I just feel odd, like cold and sad" he said jumping as a crash was heard from somewhere in the house, he sat himself up staring intently at the door, he was going to give himself a panic attack if he stayed here much longer.

"hey Tweek come on we probably should get going," I said rolling onto my front and gently pushing myself up, he was still staring at the door, "Tweek?" I asked slightly louder. His shaking was getting worse, I prayed to god he wasn't having a late reaction to the pills. I moved to sit in front of him, blocking his view of the door even though he stared past me. I repeated his name again and he gave no reaction, I grabbed one of his hands, he ripped his hand from my grasp and blinked to glare at me. I swallowed the feelings of hurt from his rejection.

"hey Tweek come on I'm going now, you should come with me" I said, watching his face closely, he seemed to be listening to what I was saying now.

"Yeah, should we go find butters first?" he asked, I shook my head

"he'll be fine"

We managed to get out the house without interacting with butters or his parents, thank god.

As we got to the end of the drive, he turned towards me, I looked at him, and we just stared. We were best friends, a year ago I would of told him to fuck of and left but the boy had climbed into my head.

"I-I" he started and I raised my eyebrow, "I-I'll see you around", anger surged threw me

"no, Tweek your not leaving with that bull shit, come on, tell me what you were going to say" I said trying to act calm.

"fuck you craig, you know I have a speech issue, i-I was not going to say anything!" he said loudly, trying to stand up taller then his measly height

"I'm not a retard, your hiding something from me, I've known you since we were 5!" I replied back, he flinched from my voice

"I'm not hiding anything, you just wish I was" he replied stepping even closer towards me, I recoiled like a snake, grabbing the front of his top

"and what is that suppost to mean Tweek?!" I spat like venom, his body language submissive, while his eyes were fire.

"no craig, I said nothing, just forget it please, I-I meant nothing!" he said putting his hands in front of his face, like he expected me to hit him. I pushed him back.

"look we are both tired and still fucked, forget everything" he said quietly,

"fuck you tweek" I said and watched him walk away. I was livid.


	10. Chapter 10: what you get

he knew something. i shouldn't look into it, but Tweek was a deliberate person, he didn't say something he didn't mean, even the stories he used to spout about gnomes, you could tell he believed them to be true.

I repeated his words in my head "you just wish i was" what the fuck, what did he know about what i wished, it sounded like he was implying i would like him to admit that he liked me. which i would not, or i would, i have no clue where the fuck my head was, or even what i would like to happen but i didn't want Tweak thinking i was thinking something that i wasn't thinking.

i groaned, my head was murdering me, why did all this drama happen today. i realized i hadn't moved from standing outside butters house, i looked one way, the way towards home, i felt repulsed, like there was a big magnet in my bedroom and i was the same side, I sighed and walked the opposite direction, i could have a walk by myself.

I didn't want to think about that bastard Tweek, i almost felt betrayed, and that kiss. No i won't allow myself to replay it. it never happened. Nope. You just went to bed, i repeated to myself, eager to still the feelings of confusion and guilt that rushed threw me, and the way he had just brushed me of this morning, like he couldn't remember it, there was no way he was interested in a shit like you, he looked disgusted.

But he kissed you, a small voice said at the back of my head. But there were a thousand reasons why he would of kissed me without being attracted to me; It was a dare, he was curious about his sexuality, The high had hit him hard, he wanted to try and embarrass me, the voices in his head told him to do it.

the veins at the side of my head seemed to grow tighter with every thought, no, no i couldn't torture myself like this. i thought i said i was done, ugh come-on who was i trying to convince i had tried to just drop the kid but i couldn't. i needed a drink, fuck revising for exams, i couldn't do that with a hangover anyway.

who did i know that would be up for drinking at this time? the only name i could think of was Kenny, i wasn't even close to him, i didn't even have his number, i texted Bebe (who had put her number in my phone when we were younger) to give me Kennys as i expected her to have his, they had been close once, and sure enough she texted back within the minute with a number.

_its craig, you up for drinking? _

i hoped Kenny would reply soon, my legs were starting to get colder. After a minute stood in the middle of the street i said fuck it, and started walking to Kennys house. as i rounded the train tracks i realized i hadn't been to Kenny's house since we were children, i didn't know which scabby house belonged to him, the one with the boarded up windows or the one with the black cross pained on the door, my phone buzzed.

_what were you thinking? kenny xx_

i scowled at the x's and text back

_outside_

the door with the boarded up windows opened and from around the door Kenny's blond hair peered out,

"dude did you camp outside or something?" he said smirking at my freezing state

"nah" i said walking the distance towards his house

"so wanna come in and get drunk then, i have a bottle of vodka if you wanna split it?" he asked, moving out of the way for me to step in.

"whats with the door decorations?" i asked motioning towards the cross pained on the door across the road

"not to sure, i think they've found satan or something, the other week they knocked on our door to try and sell us blood from an ox, i don't think the poor people are all there, you know" he said leading me through his living room and into a smaller room, i'd guess was his bedroom, the biggest clue was the large poster of a naked lady above his bed, i stared at it for a while mesmerised by the blonde hair.

"oh you like Elizabeth" kenny asked as he reached under his bed before drawing out a cardboard box.

"she reminds me too much of Bebe" I said sitting on the other side of his rug, he snorted

"and why do you think i like her" he smirked as he placed himself at the other end of the rug, before opening the box and drawing out a large bottle of vodka, two shot glasses ,i was curious what else was inside it but i didn't think Kenny would show me, so i didn't ask. i reached for the vodka, but before the tip of my index finger could graze it, Kenny yanked the vodka up and away from me.

"now, now Craig, you weren't very nice yesterday" he smirked at me "so we are going to do this my way" I raised my eyebrow concerned what I had got myself in for, but i wanted the vodka.

" what does your way entail?" i asked sitting back against his armchair

"i ask a question, and for each you answer, you get a shot" he said his light blue eyes meeting my dark blue.

"hmm" i thought about what he could ask me, kenny was a sneaky bastard, he probably already knew everything, so this was probably just to embarrass me.

"sure" i said, not allowing myself to dwell on what could happen for too long, he smiled pouring two shots out, before handing one to me.

"that ones free" he said before downing his shot, i followed, Kenny watching me every second for a sign of gagging or wincing. As i finished i met his eyes aware of the thick tension that had filled the room.

"okay craig, lets start simple, are you a Virgin?" he asked, why hadn't i expected this question of course he was going to ask this

"no" i replied before holding out my shot glass, he filled it up and i took it back, gritting my teeth as it threatened to come up, the vodka was so cheep. already i felt a little buzz.

"how old were you when you lost it" he asked head tilting slightly, he could of outright asked me who it was, but he was trying to work it out typical fucking kenny, smart ass.

"15" i replied, his eyebrows creased as he poured me another shot, my hand shaking slightly as i grasped it and took it back, misjudging how quick to pour and i ended up having to swallow twice, which quickly made me feel as if i was about it throw up, kenny noticed and gigiled to himself

"you sure you can handle vodka, i have some of my sisters wkd in the fridge if thats more you style" he said spinning the bottle around in his hands.

"yes fucker now get on with it" i rasped out, my throat slightly sore from the vodka

"hm why are you trying to lose your sorrows in a vodka bottle" he asked looking a little less predatory

"didn't want to go home" i said, i thought i was being clever by not mentioning Tweek, but i quickly realized as i said it, i had issues with home so bringing this up wasn't a good idea either.

"And why is that?" he asked, i held out my shot glass and he jolted as he remembered the game, pouring the vodka carelessly into the glass, a lot of it pouring over the side and down my hands. i took the shot and sighed as i felt the start of my mind start to loosen, my headache weakening.

"homes shit" i said lying out on my side, Kennys room was pretty nice, very relaxing.

"its your dad isn't it?" he asked smiling to himself, that glint in his eye when he knew something.

"nah he's good" i said lying, "now can't i ask you somethings"

"hmm now that depends" he said twisting the bottle round and downing a good quarter of the bottle.

"how are you?" i asked i wasn't sure why i picked that as my first question, he looked surprised as well.

"ummm, yeah i am good" he said but his shoulders dropped as he glanced to the side, we had both lied and we both knew the other had. Suddenly there was a knock coming from the front door, Kenny looked confused for a second before jumping up

"reds here" he said running out, i stood up swaying slightly on my feet, combined with all i drunk yesterday and thoose shots i was on my way to being very tipsy, i walked after him watching as red appeared hugging Kenny and giving him some money, he walked back into his room,

"red, red you can not say anything to tweak about me liking him that is not true kay?" i said trying to pronounce everything well,

"Craig, why are you drunk, its 11 o'clock in the afternoon" Red said

"no red you have to promise, he's a bastard!" i said shouting the last bit

"craig, shh, there are neighbours" red said looking suspiciously behind her

"RED, you fucking promise now" i said glaring at her, i needed her to know she could not breathe a word

"craig" she said meekly "i already sorta told him yesterday" my heart stopped in my chest

"NO no Red hunny you didn't, you couldn't have," i said my hands sliding into my hair to pull slightly, he had kissed me yesterday, she had told him, he must of been testing if it was true, "RED WHY" i shouted dashing towards Red, i felt arms around my stomach as i fought to reach her, why would she do this, she was a friend, i should of asked her sooner, why, fucking why, no no no

"Craig calm down" kennys voice said calmly in my ear

"no RED WHY he can't think that, not TRUE!" i said struggling harder, Kennys grip was loosening I was stronger then him, but he was cleverer, he stuck his foot out and efficiently tripped me up, throwing something towards the shocked red and shouting at her to go away, she left. Leaving me confused on Kenny's dirty living room floor.


	11. Chapter 11: I think

_This story has more than 2000 views! Which is crazy, when I started writing this, i didn't expect to get much attention at all, but wow, I'd like to give you an extra-long chapter for those who are kind enough to give this story a chance and reach this far, even with the awful start to this story._

Kenny gave me the vodka, no games. He handed me the bottle as soon as it became clear i wasn't moving from my slump next to his front door.

I vividly remember him trying to coax a conversation out of me but I couldn't. I just felt low, so low. Every swig of vodka was not helping, I swam downwards with each sip, I was aware it wasn't helping but if I stopped drinking I felt my thoughts would be clearer, and God forbid i dwell on the reality of my predicament.

God why did i always have to get soo drunk, if I never started drinking I wouldn't be half as deep into this mess!, but the almost empty bottle in front of me indicated it was a little late to throw in the towel now.

Downwards i swam, as my thoughts rotated threw my friendship.

Meeting the blonde haired boy was not special, we had all reluctantly been lead in. sweet 5 year olds ready to be ruined by the obsessed education system.

I gravitated strangely towards Eric Cartmen first, there was something about loud people, naturally I don't like being loud or drawing too much attention; well i didn't back then, as i got older i quickly realised attention was beautiful (this was the same year i was suspended three times from school for various issues), Eric had been the mask to escape everyone from noticing me, I followed him round like a puppy, though do not think i was a fan, i glared at him the whole time, just standing there as he picked on kid after kid, I didn't feel guilty at all, as long as I wasn't the one being picked on I was content, Tweek was his favourite victim, the kid basically bullied himself, mumbling complete shit about gnomes, his scrawny body wasn't intimidating enough to stop the torment.

Waves of guilt sunk me lower into my agony as i remembered his face bleeding after being pushed particularly hard into a cupboard, but Kyle had discovered Tweek and became the voice of reason to Cartmen. Strangely his little form and sharp tongue were able to compete with Cartmen, witch i remember being awestruck at. Without Kyle, Tweek may still be beaten up. I did nothing. And properly would have always done nothing.

2 years ago:

"Craig, tweeks cool!" i remembered Token saying when he had asked to invite him to one of his parties

"no, fuck no, he's gay as fuck, i thought you wanted this party to be fun" i said, barely even thinking about what i was saying, i knew who i liked and Tweek tweak was not one of them.

"nah Kenny says he's got drugs, like you know from his prescriptions" Clyde said his chubby cheeks puffing out as he ate his 3rd buger

"well Kenny says a lot of shit and Clyde you've never even done drugs" i snapped before turning back to token "we are not inviting some crazy faggot because we think theres a chance he'll share his medication"

"Craig its my party" token said "and you haven't done drugs either" i rolled my eyes

"fine invite him" i said my tone changing, token looked back up from his lunch at me

"craig, don't be difficult" he said his body visibly slumping

"i'm not, i said invite him" i replied back feeling triumphant he had caught my tone

"yes but what will you do if he comes" token said his face falling like a child who hadn't got the right toy on Christmas

"he can come, but i will make his night hell" I replied, taking a casual sip of my coke

"Craig that's not cool, he's only tiny" clyde said sending a glare in my direction,

"craig you fucking suck, i already told him he could come!" token said leaning on one of his elbows as he finished his meal

"well un-tell him then, it's not my problem" i said smiling as everything worked out

"but he looked so happy, you don't understand Craig, Tweek is fragile" Token said

"look you can have your boyfriend round whenever I'm not there, and why the fuck have you developed a boner for crazy, the other week you were laughing when he ran into that wall" i said, i hated that kid and I was under the understanding that everyone shared my hatred

"i was placed next to him in maths, he just looked so bad," token said before stuttering " like not ugly just unkempt, his hair is like matted , he looked like one of those abused dogs left in a shed for a few years"

"so" i said twisting my fork around in the hard pasta sat on my plate

"i want to make his life better" token said, i let out a loud bark like laugh

"how shallow are you, all you care about is adding to your cluster of willing followers,"

"worked for you two idiots, didn't it" token said sending me a smile, i think he meant to sound loving but i felt almost threatened by it, like he was saying he could drop me just as easily or something.

"yeah Craig weren't you with Cartmen before token adopted you" Clyde said sucking each of his fingers

"and weren't you with Stan" I said back, we both laughed at the mirroring glare we gave each other

"yeah i hate those bastards, what did i see then" Clyde said glaring across the cafeteria towards the famous foursome

"ugh, are we still gonna challenge them to that cod game thing?" I asked

"we got our asskicked last time, literally, remember your nose Clyde?" Token said

"that's because i had two of them on me!" he protested, his cheeks slightly red

"it sucks were outnumbered" i muttered, regretting it instantly when Tokens eyes lit up

"that's why we need Tweek" he smiled

"wait wait wait, a second ago i protested about inviting him to the same party, what would make you feel i would want him in our group!" i shouted pissed i had been trapped by Token

"nah man its like you said, we need to even the playing field with Kyles group, if we don't like him we can always dump him" clyde said, surprising me, clyde was usually my bitch

"yeah i agree" token said, ugh now I was the odd one

"no, i will leave this group, if I have to see that jittery fuck every day" i said hoping they wouldn't protest as i didn't really have another group to join

"Fine but he is coming on Saturday" Token said, smiling. He had won.

And Tweek had come to the party, looking back after I knew him, I realised how out of character it was to just go to a party without knowing anyone well, Tweek was easily spooked. But he came, and to his credit he didn't annoy me as I didn't really see him for the first few hours,

"Clyde give me another shot, i'm not even drunk yet" I said rolling my eyes as Clyde clutched the bottle away from me

"yeah but you drink too much, and i worry" clyde who i now realised was very drunk slurred

"sorry mum, but i haven't drunk anything in like a few weeks, please just poor me out a little shot pweaseee" i said making Wendy who was watching are dispute laugh

"no i-" and clyde was suddenly very busy with throwing up making it easy to snatch the bottle from his hands, of course i made sure he wasn't throwing up on anything i care about before turning back to the group.

"I think i've lost my coat, can you remember where Token put them?" Heidi asked

"no i can't, yeah i need to find mine, Craig would know" Wendy said before turning to address me directly "Craig can you show me where Token put our coats?"

"yeah sure come with me" i said before leading her up the many flights of stairs to the 4th floor, and sure enough everyone's coats was thrown onto the bed, as i turned to ask Wendy what coat was hers, I was stopped by one of her hands tracing my arm.

"Craig you know I've always found you rather hot" Wendy said her voice lowered to a deep pitch

"Wendy?" i said trying to make sense of what she was implying in my very drunk brain

"shh craig" she said turning me towards her, before slowly cupping my jaw and connecting our lips.

yes i thought about Stan her boyfriend as i was screwing her in tokens guest bedroom, but i was younger, stupider, and was glamourized by the thought of not being a virgin first in my group, and the idea that Wendy wanted me. the sex itself i don't and try not to remember, it was awkward as fuck, it just didn't feel good, she implied she felt good with screaming but I'm going to sound like Tweek but I was sure she was faking it.

i gasped as i came, speeding up the movement of my hips as I rode on the good vibes, but soon came back to myself as i saw Wendys face beneath me. Her hair was crazy, her cheeks red and she was smiling at me, and not a peaceful smile, and it was a sneaky smile like she had caught me in a trap or something.

"wendy what are we doing?" i asked sitting up and away from her, she sat up and stretched, before leaning casually back against the headboard

"Craig we are having fun" she said before moving of of everyone's coats

"so it ment nothing to you" i said, i always cringe when i remember myself saying that, i was still young with the belief sex was for the one you love or atleast like, i had admired wendy for years.

"no,did it mean something to you?" she asked scorn clear in her voice

"of course not bitch" i slurred anger was quickly passing threw me, i was the stupidest person in the world

"right, anyway i'm gonna go, but you cannot tell anyone about it" she said before leaning closer towards my ear "and it may happen again"

she left me naked on the bed, i sat there for a good few minutes sobering up in my despair, when suddenly i heard raped breathing in the cupboard, i debated wether it was a natural noise or did someone really watch me have sex,before quickly pulling on my boxers before moving over and flinging open the cupboard door. i couldn't really be angry the sight broke my heart, Tweek tweak was sat his hands wrapped around his ears so tightly, eyes sealed shut and gasping for air like a dying man.

"Tweek" i said but the form didn't move, i slid onto my knees before reaching out and poking his arm, he didn't move only shook more, I placed my hands on one of his hands and moved them away from his ears, before saying his name lightly, his eyes opened at this, shaking as he studied my face.

"C-Craig Tuck-Tucker" he said his face red as his breathing was becoming even odder, he was going to kill himself

"are you ok?" I asked surprising myself with my gentle tone, he jumped and just stared he looked terrified, I moved into the cupboard and after a few desperate glances I worked out he wanted me to shut the door

"hey listen, breathe in deeply" i said and in his state he tried to "and then try and breathe out deeply... and then in... and then out" i repeated these notions until he finally seemed like he was able to breathe normally, although he was still shaking like a leaf.

"Thanks man, i-I thought i was going to die" he said his head resting on the cupboard wall behind him.

"its no problem Tweak" i said back, i was wondering why i had hated this kid so much he was harmless, like a little butterfly

"Tweak were you watching me and Wendy" i asked surprising myself by saying it really calmly.

"no, man , no i- i-i would never do that" he stuttered before breathing deeply again and saying" i was having a panic attack and when i do i like to find cupboards, you two came in after me, if anything i'd say you were watching me" he said making a small smile light up on my face.

"i'm sorry then" i said, and then sighed before resting my head back against the wall like he was doing.

"Your too good for Wendy Craig" he said calmly,

"is this even after i watched you get bullied for most of our childhood" I said

"yeah you were the biggest bastard i ever saw, but look at you now helping the local spastic breathe" he said making me laugh

"Tweek i hope this isent just because i'm drunk and finding you cooler then i should, but you can come sit with us at lunch if you want, i like you" i said watching surprise run threw his face

"craig, no even the group i sit with don't like me, sure it'll be fun to watch me panic for a day but you'll get bored of me" he said shrugging,

"Tweek i won't get bored of you," i said "and you should worry more about whether you like us enough to sit with us nether mind how much we like you"

"wow deep man" Tweek said laughing at my logic " I've always found token cool so yeah i'll try it" before adding "but if if this is just c-cause you-your drunk and in the morning you realise you don't want me, just say alright i-i can take it"

"sure tweek if so i'll do that" i said, sat in this cupboard was so fucking relaxing, the light filtered threw the thick slacks in the doors, making whatever we said seem important and mystical. But all of a sudden the door was thrown open.

"Craig" the voice said it was Token looking suspiciously towards me "why are you naked with Tweak"

"i have just made beutiful love to tweek, accept it token" i said and Tweek played along nodding when given a suspicious look by Token

"if he's harassing you, you can always find me" token said glaring at me

"nah he's cool" tweak said before pulling out his phone "but i have to get back, thanks for inviting me Token, and craig another time baby" he stood up to leave before winking the kid actually winked at me, i fell over laughing, who knew this kid was so awsome! I recovered from my laughing fit to see token giving me the weirdest look.

"craig..did anything happen" token asked his eyebrow raised high with a slight look of disgust. I burst out laughing.

"no I didn't fuck Tweak, we were just talking I'm not a fag Token" I said " can you not take a joke?"  
"nah the room stinks of sex and your slightly naked and I've never seen you click with anyone so fast, I don't know" he said rambling

"I promise you token, before I came in there was another couple in here" I said resting my head back against the wall, token left after giving me a look but without the blonde the cupboard just wasn't as interesting.

"craig,CRAIG" a voice shouted I felt someone tapping me I jolted as the cupboard merged into Kennys dark hallway, I saw people standing over me, not bothering to really make out who they were, when I realized none of them were blonde. I wanted to just hug Tweek his little body would fit so well.

"craig we know your alive, now get the fuck out of my house" Kenny said and I felt pain in my thigh were I guessed Kenny had kicked me

"Kenny, we can just drive him back, I drove here" Kyles voice said

"ughh he owes me big time the fucker" Kennys voice said before I felt myself being lifted

"I'll sit in the back with him just in case he throws up" kyle said

"its your car why do I have to drive" Kenny moaned

"because I don't trust you to stop him puking all over my seats"

I wanted to add that I had never puked in my life while drunk of alcohol, it was only the morning after but sadly I couldn't control my body, I was placed on someone's lap or something, I just knew I was laying down

"kyle" ohh I had apparently found my voice, I wondered what I was going to say "if you ask out Cartman he'll say yes" wow that shocked me, but I couldn't remember where I had got that from.

"Craig what the fuck!" Kyle shouted, I heard Kenny laugh from the front seat "I'm not gay!"

"yes me too" I said sarcastically making Kenny almost wet himself with laughter

"see even Craig knows what's up and he can't feel the daily sexual tension" Kenny said

"fuck off both of you" kyle said his grip on my arm getting painful

"right were here, Craig you seem better, can you walk?" Kenny asked, I nodded sitting up and shuffling out of Kyles car and towards my house

"thanks Kenny, I'm sorry" I said feeling guilty for all the shit I had put him through today.

"no problem, we need to hang out more, your alright" Kenny said giving me a smile that would melt the hearts of every girl at school

and as i headed drunkingly into my house, i had one thought in my head, I was going to be fine.


	12. Chapter 12: offers

"oi crag" I grimaced as the brash voice cut through the silent air of the library.

I pretended I hadn't heard Token for half a second, until I realized I didn't have headphones in and not hearing that racquet would make me crazy, I stiffly turned to watch token and Clyde stroll across the library with Tweek a few steps behind.

"what's up?" I asked trying to naturally push the university brochure under the thick sleeves of my coat

"whats up is you being weird, whats wrong with you Craig?" Clyde asked making wild hand gestures that awakened the peaceful librarian to send a glare in our direction, there was literally three people in here, and they were all silent!

"will you shut up! And nothing I'm fine" I said turning around in the hope they would get the hint and leave me alone

"Craig you know you're in the library?" Token asked, I didn't answer so he went on "you know, the place you said you'd set fire to yourself, if you thought you could take it down with you"

"yes token I know where I am, and I'm revising for my exam and your distracting me" I said still not turning around, there was a painful minute of silence and unable to turn around and show I cared I wasn't sure if they had left or not

"CRAIG I MISS YOU" Clyde practically screamed making me jump "we haven't seen you in like a week, you're in the library!"

"ESCUSE ME boys, if you can't work silently you are going to have to leave" the librarian said the wrinkles surrounding his hollow eyes constricting with stress,

"Sorry sir" token replied, making me grimace

"so Craig come on, where going to get city wok" Clyde said pulling my chair slightly

"no I need to stay here," I said resting my head on my hands, I didn't want to fall out and actually leave their group but fuck I didn't want to be around them, or the blonde boy who I was yet to acknowledge, it hurt to think he was so close.

"Craig!-" Clyde started, anger surged through my veins

"Fuck of, I don't want you here" I spat instantly recoiling from my own words, sure I was harsh to my friends that was me, but this time there was no joking,

"Craig" a hurt clydes voice said, and I heard footsteps and I guessed Clyde had stormed out.

"Craig, what's your problem!?" Token said pulling me to face them,

"your my problem" I said deliberate maintaining eye contact with Token, he let out a big breathe of air before returning my glare

"come on Tweek, we'll come back when Craig's not on his period" Token said and I turned back as I heard receding footsteps, relaxing back down I looked at my notebook, full of all the notes I had made over the past year; which consisted to about 6, I was fucked.

It was actually lucky I had this breakdown to get my head into my studies.

I turned back a page when I heard the chair next to me being pulled out. It was a big empty library what douche bag had decided to sit next to me. I looked up to meet green eyes, I was trapped within his gaze, we both just stared for a minute, feeling stuck. I broke our eye contact first when the urge to look down at his lips became unmanageable, blood rushed around my body at the knowledge of being on top of him. I stabbed it down. Ignoring him to get on with my mindmap of philosophy. He was still watching me though and I hated it, it was ruined by the knowledge that he could be thinking about my crush on him. My skin crawled as I imagined his thoughts over how I pictured him, I couldn't take it.

"what!" I snapped looking back up, he flinched his natural shaking becoming worse.

"calm down dude," he said before reaching into his bag and drawing out a book and a large thermos. I glanced over when I saw he had moved watching him mess around in his bag, and I couldn't help but notice his shoe laces were still untied. Stress was surrounding me. I was supposed to be here to focus on school. I turned my back to him slightly and started reading my notes again. Now the ontological argument, okay thought first by Anselm, god is the greatest thing that can be conceived, something that exists is greater then something witch doesn't, god must exist. Okay so this past exam question said to say at least three perspectives of this argument!? Was that really all I wrote! Well. I looked around the library trying to find the philosophy section, my exam was in two days. I got out of my seat but even with three laps of the library they didn't have a philosophy section, well then. Tweak did philosophy as well. I turned.

"Tweek, hey, you know the ontological argument, what did people say about it?" I said trying to appear casual, he laughed

"I was waiting for you too admit you were fucked" he said laughing, my expression obviously displayed confusion so he quickly stuttered " I mean come on man, you turned up high most of the year!"

"so can you point me in the right direction, I won't copy or anything I just don't know how I'm gonna pass" I said my dignity too high to outright ask for help, he appeared deep in thought for a awkward few seconds before flicking threw his heavy notebook and sliding it over,

"just copy, I don't care" he said before turning back to read his book again, I stared at his face for a few seconds before trying to read his messy writing. Yeah it was all here, there were at least 5 perspectives for just the ontological argument I wrote them down, quickly into my notebook before turning the page and noting all the cosmological perspectives as well, and I kept going till I had wrote down almost everything in Tweek's notebook.

"Thanks" I said sliding his notebook back and looking threw what I had copied. Yeah now I just had to memorize it. I noticed Tweek writing so I picked up my pen again and wrote out for a second time my first set of arguments, I tried to do them by heart but alas the answers never came.

I gave up trying to memorize and looked back to the university brochure I had been careful to hide from my friends eyes, pulling it out I flicked back to where I had got to, and again started scanning the available courses, don't let my dwindling drive for learning deter you, I had quite a natural gift for environmental studies and that was the course I was trying to find. It was close to the back, and as I expected from looking at the other courses grade boundaries it was BBC entry. And this wasn't even a good university, this meant that if I wanted to go I had to get either a c or a b in philosophy, I wanted to throw my notebook across the table, why god why was life so cruel, I needed to get out of this town, and my heart was set on this university.

"Sutton huh?" Tweek said next to my ear I jumped, slamming the syllabus shut in shock.

"fucking hell Tweek," I said shocked and embarrassed at being caught, he stopped staring at the brochure and slowly stared up at me.

"I-I just didn't know you planned to leave" he said turning away from me

"I've told you like a million times my opinion of this town, how did you not realize, your-" I stopped but he looked confused so I finished "-my best friend", he blinked before we both looked guiltily down at the floor.

"yeah well it's a big move" he replied quietly

"good" I said reopening the syllabus,

"do you want to go out tonight?" Tweek asked, my heart exploded in stress, what? "I-I mean like I can help you with philosophy, Am I I right that you need to get a good grade in this?" I calmed down a bit

"are you asking to be my tutor?" I asked

"yes" he said shutting his notebook and nervously glancing at me

"why in hell would you want to do that?" I asked, we couldn't even look at each other it was so awkward, why would he volunteer to be around me more!

"well you barely do things with me anymore, so I have time man, and I wanted to go through philosophy anyway" he reasoned fiddling with his flask

"Tweek, are you sure you want to do this, cause i don't think you know how shit I'm currently doing" I said, my eyebrows were creased so hard they hurt, everything about this plan, screamed bad idea, but a small voice said it may help to see him as a friend again.

"yeah I'm sure, now before you change your mind I'm going to go, I'll be round yours at 5 tonight" he said before shuffling out of the library.

I was planning to ignore him for a good weak and now he was coming round my house, great.


	13. Chapter 13:Puzzle

_Hey, Thanks for all the reviews! its so lush to read what people think, i promise to step this story up!_

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To say I wasn't bothered about Tweek coming round would be a contradiction to the hour cleaning I put my house threw.

My Dad had left again for work sometime last night, and my mother was out at a friend's house so that was one less worry.

I deliberately put on my usual after school attire of pajamas, why should I care about the way I look I told myself, lying down on the sofa to wait for Tweek, it was 10 past and he still wasn't here.

I reluctantly watched four episodes of Terrance and Philip before becoming worried he'd tried to call or message me so I trekked upstairs to get my phone. There wasn't any messages so where was he? I sent him a quick text, and settled down again. Tweek can come when he wants.

It was 6:30 when a knock echoed around my house,

"its open" I shouted.

I heard the door click open and the sound of shoes being slipped of.

"hey" Tweek said softly, padding over to where I was slouched

"why didn't you just tell me 6, could of saved me and hour of waiting" I said not turning away from the tv

"sorry" he said even softer. I was used to sharp replies.

I gave him a quick glance "what's up?" I asked

"nothing, now lets do philosophy" he said giving me a smile, before pulling of his backpack and opening it up to pull out a stack of papers, I awkwardly stood up and waited for a few seconds.

"let me get a drink first" I said and walked into my kitchen away from the tension. I put my hands either side of the sink and rested my head down for a second. i was getting such bad anxiety for no reason. This was my lifelong friend, I could be around him. I entered the room with a tall glass of coke and placed it down onto the table before sitting back onto the sofa while Tweek sat cross legged on the floor across from me.

"yeah, so have you got the ontological arguments down?" he asked pulling a pen out of his pocket and putting in straight into his mouth to chew on.

"well yeah," I said, I suddenly felt embarrassed for being a complete idiot "well I know what it is, but the responses I can't make stick"

"yeah that's the hard part, I remember them like this" and he then spent a long time telling me ways he remembered them, I jotted down each method and it actually didn't seem that bad, and by the end I realized I could recall the first three easily.

"so the cosmological arguments going to be har-harder man, I don't really have any way to remember them I just do" he said staring at his revision notes, I glanced threw what I had copied earlier and started making connections

"I think I can make some shit up, like you did with the ontological, it should be all right" I said jotting down my ideas and connections to go with it.

"Yeah you could I g-guess," he said flicking quickly threw his notes. There was a lapse in conversation as we stared at our own work.

"so the teleological is pretty basic?" I asked finding what I wrote to be very simple

"sure the argument is but the arguments against are tr-tricky to remember" he said before reaching over, and handing me a print out the teacher must of handed round when we covered it, it was a long list

"well shit, how am I supposed to remember this" I cried, stress clouding behind my eyes

"that's wh-what I wondered, but don't worry, just write revision notes, that's what I might do" he said quickly glancing at me to make sure I was alright

"yeah, I'll have to" I said putting the sheet to the side and trying to forget about it

"it-its next Thursday the exam isent it?" Tweek asked, his leg twitching

"yeah the 23rd," I replied, I rested my head against the back of my couch as I recalled some of the revision

"don't stress about it dude, it-it'll be easy" Tweak said breaking another awkward silence

"hah" I cried "and why are you so calm, I would of expected you to have drowned in anxiety by now" I said lifting my head to gauge his reaction, his face screwed up slightly.

"nah I feel fine," and then in a quitter voice he muttered "that's the fucking least of my worries", i didn't comment on it as I honestly was trying to keep out of whatever shit plagued tweaks mind, I had already decided to not help his cutting or suspected anorexia or schizophrenia but come on, don't judge me, if Tweek wanted me to help he would ask!

"do you have any more of that coke?" Tweak asked pointing towards my glass

"yeah its at the top" I said trusting Tweek knew his way around my kitchen well enough to know what that means, his knees clicked as he raised himself up and walked out of the room.

I picked up my glass and took a sip, reading one more time threw my notes, my eyes were so bored of this stupid notepad, I flung it to the side before putting my glass down and glanced towards the kitchen, I hadn't heard anything yet, did he find it?

I had nothing better to do so I raised myself up and walked into the kitchen, Tweek had the fridge open but he was yet to look at the top were I could see the bottle peeking out.

"its in the top cupboard" I said, making Tweek twitch as he raised his head. He reached with both of his skinny arms pulling the bottle forward with the edges of his nails. It hit the edge and suddenly surged towards him.

I moved without thinking my front against Tweeks back as I caught the bottle before it could fall onto him. My arms where either side of him blocking him from moving in panic so he spun towards me stuttering and pushing himself back as I tried to prevent the bottle from falling out of my grip. As I got the bottle stable, I panicked at how awful this moment was and staring at his firm grip on the fridge draw behind him I said the first thing to come to my head

"I'm straight"

He stilled all movement as I blinked a few times wondering why I had said that. He started at me equally as confused with my outburst.

"I just wanted you to know" I said trying and failing to save this moment. Fucking idiot.

As a offer of distraction I moved the bottle of coke safely onto the table, and walked over to get Tweek a glass deliberately slowly in an effort to show him I wasn't freaking out.

"But red said-"he started

"Reds a bitch who I wouldn't fuck" I replied sharply cutting him off, I pushed the glass over in his direction, and at this gesture he raised himself from his slumped position and moved to pour his coke

"but-" Tweek started

"Tweak shut up please," I said quickly panic was just flowing round me, "anyway, I thought you were here to teach me philosophy"

"y-eah" he said breathing heavily, oh god please don't let him have a panic attack now, I busied myself with gathering all the empty rappers scattered around and taking them to the bin, as I walked back I noticed Tweek still didn't look right

"Tweak you all right?" I asked taking in his posture he didn't look good

"yeah" he gasped "craig, I'm fine,"

I stood awkwardly in my kitchen staring at him. did I do this? I couldn't let myself think he was..disappointed.

No Tweek was random, his panic attacks were often not linked to anything

"come on, drink some coke, get some sugar in you" I said handing him the glass and watching him take a long sip.

"ew this coke sucks" he said, making a face before taking another sip, I laughed deliberately, motioning him back towards the living room.

"please can you go threw the whole of the next chapter," I said quickly, picking up my notebook and resting back down on the sofa with my work on my knee.

"yeah, sure" he said flicking threw his work, there was a minute of pages flicking before tweak broke the silent

"so am I" he said, I looked up confused "straight I mean" my heart sank

"well glad we got that out of the way" I said trying to keep my voice calm "now next chapter please" I said weakly.

"craig this bits all online, and I'm tired" he said lowering his book, he ran a hand threw his wild blonde hair, I watched the movement.

" yeah my eyes are killing me man" I said putting my notepad down as well, being careful to put my only pen back in my backpacks pocket.

"OH MY GOD" tweak shouted, making me jump and turn towards him "Craig you still have your WII?" a wave of embarrassment ran threw me

"yeah Ruby plays on it now" I lied, failing to stop myself smile at Tweaks smile, he turned towards me slowly

"no tweak, were not 11" I said making him laugh

"oh come-on Craig, just because last time you had a temper tantrum over Mario kart" he said smiling cheekily

"no I had a understandable tantrum because you fucking started tickling me in the middle of a match!" I shouted unaware I was being led into tweaks plan.

"hmm I don't remember that bit sorry, I only remember being wrongly screamed at by a loser" he said raising one of his skinny eyebrows

"we'll see whos a loser!" I said walking quickly over to the WII and turning it on and plugging the right cord into the TV, I grabbed the two WII controllers, giving myself the one with the link sticker wrapped around it, and throwing the crappy old one towards Tweak.

"I fucking hate you" I said as the WII loaded, tweak was giggling like a madman as the Mario cart screen then came up.

The last time we had played had been at least a year ago, but as I suspected Tweak still choose Boo. I choose Mario.

"Mario really, same old" tweak said

"yeah and your such a random person, you've been playing with Boo since we were 13" i said

"he's soo cute though" tweak said putting on a baby voice, I laughed relaxing down into familiarity,

" hey wanna be sooo crazy" I said sarcastically

"you know me my middle name is crazy" he said picking the regular cart.

"imagine if we choose to do rainbow road, right of the bat" I joked, tweak pretend to gasp and partly fall over

"no" he said dramatically " no, no Craig, that's just toooooo crazy!" I laughed harder moving the curser over to the most fucky map in the game while tweak pretended too scream In horror in the background.

I selected it and we instantly put our game faces on, stretching our fingers as we tried to remember everything about the game, I had only just remembered what button to press to go when the race started.

By the time the race ended i had fallen of the stupid map 6 times, 5 of those times were on the first lap where I could barely remember how to turn, I set the remote down as Mario figited in the background 2nd to boo.

"I think I should get a plague to put on your wall" Tweak said using his fingers to outline his dream "Tweak Tweek, master of Craig Tucker"

"yeah yeah shortie" I said rolling my eyes as I took a long sip of my coke

"I'm surprised you haven't hit me yet," tweak joked,

"bitch your too far away" I said smiling as tweak smiled "nah I'd never hit you, especially not for Mario cart bro"

"hah, I had a bruise for a weak after our sleepover a few years ago" he said

"don't blame older Craig for smaller Craig's actions, as I've disowned him" I mumbled lying further into my couch

"right, I know I haven't been here that long but I have to go dude!" he said jumping up and picking his stuff up from the floor

"yeah its been good" I said waiting for him to get his stuff before offering him a weak fist bump

"hey craig, before I go the bus is shit, mind if I get a lift in with you tomorrow?" he asked

"yeah sure, I'll come round yours 20 to 8?" I replied, watching him nod and walk out listening to the door shut. i missed him.


End file.
